It’s funny to see a bunny, hop on top a carrot cop.
It’s funny to see honey, drip on Chips big lip.
It’s funny to see money, fly sky high in an apple pie.
It’s funny to see sunny, shine on brine while drinking wine.
It’s funny to see gunny, shoot and scoot while steeling loot.
It’s funny a poet, can write about nothing.. and know it!
Author: Keith Foley.
Philip Le Barr,
Was knock down by a car,
On the road to Mandalay.
He was knocked down again
By a dust cart in Spain,
And again in Zanzibar.
So,
He traveled at night,
In the pale moon light.
Away from the traffic growl,
But terrible luck,
He was hit by a duck,
Driven by an owl.
Author: Spike Milligan.
Once I lost a silly thing,
It wasn’t big, it didn’t ring,
It didn’t laugh, it didn’t sigh,
It didn’t sing, it wasn’t shy.
It wasn’t short, it wasn’t long,
It didn’t cry, it wasn’t strong.
It wasn’t high, it wasn’t low,
It did not shine, it did not glow,
I wonder why I love it so.
You mustn’t be fooled by their features.
They look sweet, and kind, and gentle,
Some would say quite ornamental,
But they’re really scary creatures.
‘Come here and have a great big hug’
She squeezes me ’til I can’t speak,
Then kisses me upon the cheek,
Saliva, lipstick, perfume ugh!
It’s Christmas time I really fear.
It’s just the same year after year,
As I unwrap my worst nightmare,
A set of knitted underwear.
So this year I thought I’d treat her
To a gift which she could treasure
And would give me equal pleasure.
I’ve bought a Spiny Aunteater.
Two children (small), one Four, one Five,
Once saw a bee go in a hive,
They’d never seen a bee before!
So waited there to see some more.
And sure enough along they came,
A dozen bees (and all the same!),
Within the hive they buzzed about;
Then, one by one, they all flew out.
Said Four: ‘Those bees are silly things,
But how I wish I had their wings!’
Author: Spike Milligan.
It’s funny how hello is always accompanied with goodbye,
It’s funny how remembering good memories can make you cry,
It’s funny how forever never seems to really last,
It’s funny how much you’d lose if you forgot you’re past.
It’s funny how friends can just leave when you’re down,
It’s funny how when you need someone the’re never around.
It’s funny how people can change and think the’re so much better,
It’s funny how many lies can be packed into one love letter.
It’s funny how people can forgive even tho they cant forget,
It’s funny how one night can catain of so much regret.
It’s funny how crazy and ironic life turns out to be
But the funniest part of all is that non of that seems funny to me.
It’s funny how happy is accompanied with sad,
It’s funny how your best of friends can sometimes turn out bad.
It’s funny how sometimes we only ever feel at home,
It’s funny how that time is sometimes when were alone.
It’s funny how the best people in your life don’t always turn out great,
It’s funny how your friends don’t always pull their weight.
But the one thing that is the best,
The one thing that beats the rest,
And the only thing that it could be,
Is that none of this is funny to me.
Author: Flying Fishstick.
A scarf for a giraffe,
Would be forty feet long,
But how would a giraffe,
Know how to put one on?
English Teeth, English Teeth!
Shining in the sun,
A part of British heritage,
Aye, each and every one.
English Teeth, Happy Teeth!
Always having fun,
Clamping down on bits of fish,
And sausages half done.
English Teeth! Heroes’ Teeth!
Hear them click! and clack!
Let’s sing a song of praise to them -
Three Cheers for the Brown Grey and Black.
Author: Spike Milligan.
Please Mrs. Butler
This boy Derek Drew
Keeps copying my work, Miss.
What shall I do?
Go and sit in the hall, dear.
Go and sit in the sink.
Take your books on the roof, my lamb.
Do whatever you think.
Please Mrs. Butler
This boy Derek Drew
Keeps taking my rubber, Miss.
What shall I do?
Keep it in your hand, dear.
Hide it up your vest.
Swallow it if you like, my love.
Do what you think best.
Please Mrs. Butler
This boy Derek Drew
Keeps calling me rude names, Miss.
What shall I do?
Lock yourself in the cupboard, dear.
Run away to sea.
Do whatever you can, my flower.
But don’t ask me!
Author: Allan Ahlberg.